The WAGON WHEEL Show

Chris is scouting for props at a local flea market. Seems he's head of the art department of a British film production company...in town to make an action-adventure pic. Jeff (as George Bigby) has several odds and ends for sale, but it is his rusty old Radio Flyer wagon (with a busted rear wheel) that captures Chris' imagination. As he negotiates to buy the wagon, Jeff recognizes him. Chris was a camper at a kids, British accent summer camp years ago.

When he was young, Chris had attended a camp for children with severe British accents. That year he declared his undying love and devotion—in front of the entire camp—to a lovely young girl. But this very public declaration frightened her away from him. Jeff (as a crusty old counselor) tries to console Chris, but he simply won't hear of it. That damnable Ronald! Another kid put him up to it, apparently. And Chris is furious.

At Dr, Bennett's (Jeff) office to see the results of a recent test, Chris (as a minor league ball player) is dismayed to learn that his season is effectively over. You see, when Dr. Bennett hypnotized Chris using the suggestive power of the "wagon wheel of consciousness," he learned many disturbing things. Playing baseball is clearly putting Chris is grave danger of being over-stimulated. Bennett suggest that he take a vacation.

The head of security at Medieval Times (Chris) is conducting a thorough investigation of Evelyn Rosewater's (Jeff) recent unpleasantness at the tournament and dinner show. Apparently a pageant wagon overturned and sent one of its massive wheels spinning into the audience...dragging a damsel by the wig along with it. Mrs. Rosewater sustained only slight injuries due to a flying chicken leg and wing. So willingly signs a waiver releasing the show from any potential damages.

Jeff has a stacking problem. And his boss (Chris) is ready to fire him. After just three hours of work! Jeff has been stacking the wagon wheels vertically, which makes for a pretty precarious working environment. Chris explains that the wheels should be lined up horizontally along the floor.

The SPOON Show

Saturday morning at the flea market finds George Bigby (Jeff) set up to sell hand tools and cutlery. T.J. (Chris) passes by eating candied pecans, and the two strike up a conversation about souvenir spoons, the flea market's PA system, and summer camp bullies.

Young T.J. is discovered (by the old, crotchety camp director) hiding out in the cabin during campfire time. He confesses that he's been terrorized by a bully the entire week...most recently mocked for winning the best roasted marshmallow contest the night previous. T.J. and the camp director (Jeff) sing/chant a camp song to help them face their fears.

Dr. Bennett (Jeff) will see Bill Teague (Chris) today instead of Dr. Carson...and "that's a good thing." It seems that Bill's test results are not what they'd hoped...though thoroughly baffling. Bill works in sales and the stress he faces at work may be contributing to his trouble (not to mention his using a "#43" spoon for breakfast that morning). Dr. Bennett encourages him to take a vacation.

The Andy Williams Boyhood Home, Theater, and Sweater Museum in Branson, Missouri has never seen a case like this. Mrs. Rosewater (Jeff) was accosted by a man dressed as a show dancer, and the head of Andy William's personal security detail (Chris) is going over the details of the encounter with her. She explains in vivid detail being ushered into an electrical closet by the assailant and his being electrocuted because of his sequined outfit.

First day on the job! And...last. Or...maybe not. Jeff's new boss buys him a bag of Bugles in the break room and seems friendly, engaged, interested. And yet...he is disappointed in Jeff's 8:30 arrival at work this morning. Jeff explains that he has a child who needs surgery. But Chris suggests that he only wants the job for the health insurance. Jeff backtracks. "It's OK, man...we're good." Jeff is sent back to work...his first day on the job. Or is it his last?

The WIG Show

A Saturday morning at the flea market found George Bigby (Jeff) selling an assortment of action figure heads. Chris (called Terry) casually perused Bigby's table and eventually bought a Colonel Steve Austin head. Suddenly, Bigby recognized Terry...from an incident at summer camp years ago.

Little Terry (Chris) stood in his rainbow jumpsuit and rock-n-roller wig holding an acoustic guitar without strings. The entire population of Camp Ridgemont (a summer science camp for outstanding students) sat on the grass before him. As he began to play his original song about being different, harsh heckling began. One of the counselors, Weezy, tried to quiet them...and eventually dismissed everyone to have a heart-to-heart with Terry. Maybe Terry shouldn't try so hard to be a rocker at science camp. Maybe he should focus on being...a doctor.

Ron (Chris) showed up for his test results at Dr. Phillip's office with grave concern. He'd been called away from a church business meeting and told there was "bad" news. Unfortunately, Dr. Phillips was not there to meet him. Dr. Bennett was. And his test results were, in fact, ambiguously speculative. X-rays showed that Ron had so much excess body hair that it was now growing inside his body, wrapping itself around his rib cage, and causing him to have shortness of breath. The only cure for this would be a three day vacation.

Cheever's Bench was a replica of a fully functioning American colony, circa 1680. On this part of the walking tour, Mrs. Rosewater (Jeff) and the others were being taught about the harsh winters and home remedies of the day by a living history actor and tour guide (Chris). After dismissing the large group to the barn, the actor broke character and began complaining about his job to the old lady...who seemed empathetic, but enthusiastic about working at Cheever's Bench, too.

Jeff just wasn't cutting it on the job. And his boss (Chris) was meeting with him to give him his walking papers. But as the meeting progressed, Jeff revealed that he actually idolized his boss. In fact, many of the problems he had at work were because he was trying so hard to be just like him. Flattered, the boss offered to let Jeff keep his job if he could learn to act more like him. Sadly, Jeff's wooden leg prevented him from walking like a champion. So he was let go.

The FLY-SWATTER Show

First day of school where Jeff is the new Global Studies teacher. Chris (as the principal) welcomes him in, and wishes him well. The two chat about Jeff's previous teaching experience (Home Economics) and also discuss the possibility of Jeff coaching JV girls soccer. Suddenly, Jeff recognizes Chris from a summer math camp he worked at years ago. But Chris has most definitely changed...his previous race and accent are gone now. When he was a child, he was Indian.

Little "D-d-d-Digit" collects two fly-swatters and a spatula on a small table on the talent show stage. He then centers a large bowl of honey on the table, and lifts a magical flute to his lips: he's going to charm the mosquitoes! But the crowd grows restless. Jeff intervenes. Digit needs to find a different native talent to impress his new American friends. Perhaps he should study medicine. That is a skill that can truly help mankind.

Robert Craig (Chris) steps into the examination room with Dr. Bennett (Jeff) to go over some disappointing test results. Dr. Bennett tells him that Dr. Carter (who Robert apparently likes to yuk it up a bit with) is not able to meet today. Dr. Bennett is gravely concerned. The test results are not good. Something is wrong with Robert: he's craving barbecue and sex...and he has a tightness in his shoulders that is troubling. Robert is a hip-hop record producer, so maybe his scheduled Kansas vacation will provide the requisite R&R Dr. Bennett has prescribed.

A local farmer leads a group of tourists into yet another area of the Wichita, Kansas-based Museum of Hip-Hop. This room is an exact reproduction of the studio where Tone-Loc recorded his multi-platinum album Loc-ed After Dark in 1989. Mrs. Rosewater (Jeff) is asked to have a seat in the producer's chair, or "hot seat." Mrs. Rosewater soon learns that making great records (like "Wild Thing" and "Funky Cold Medina") is no small task.

The "Pimp My Kitchen" design director (Chris) is extremely upset with his design team. He demands that Jeff explain what he has done to Geraldo Rivera's Airstream trailer. "Pink! He wanted all pink." But the refrigerator is pimped out with brown and gray animal pelts. The range has two turntables next to the heating elements. And the garbage compactor looks like some sort of pink sea urchin. Jeff has to fix this mess...or he will surely be fired.

The TWEEZERS Show

Jeff looked troubled. Worried. Beat and panicked. Muttering and befuddled he stood to explain.

The customer service representative was frantically cleaning up the salon when Jeff entered. He was perplexed by this odd gift: a most complicated pair of tweezers. Chris explained that the tweezers had all sorts of helpful gadgets that were, indeed, confusing. However, the key was using them for what they were intended: manscaping. As he demonstrated, Jeff recognized him. From camp years previous. Chris (Ricky) had been a camper at a personal hygiene camp where Jeff had worked as a counselor.

Old Tweezy (Jeff) had gathered the entire camp lakeside for quite a stunt. Ricky (Chris) was going to overcome his fear of lake swimming by leaping into the murky depths. But campers can be cruel. And they were to little Ricky. His fear of the muddy lake floor got the best of him and he clambered down from the tall jump deck for solace in Tweezy's kind words. But Old Tweezy himself was having a harrowing day. One of his best counselors was facing a tough prognosis at the doctor this afternoon.

Scott (Chris) visited Dr. Bennett (Jeff) after an urgent, 1 AM call to do so. Something was troubling about his recent test results, and Dr. Bennett meant to find out. Scott had experienced many symptoms recently: restlessness, exhaustion, confusion, hearing loss. Dr. Bennett ran a test with an Exaspirator and found a craft bead lodged in his throat. There could be no doubt: Scott need at least three days of rest and relaxation. Dr. Bennett suggested he go to "Oils Well that Ends Well," a lovely bed and breakfast on an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico.

Mrs. Rosewater (Jeff) had always wanted to stay at the Oils Well that Ends Well B&B ever since her brother came back singing its praises. And this morning her host (Chris) made her a OJ-apple juice cocktail exactly as she requested. There were muffins and scrambled eggs and Spam...but crude oil, too...in unexpected places. Today was her last day on the rig. After she suited up and "tossed a chain," she'd be leaving via tugboat. Apparently the helicopter was down, and a three-day sea voyage back to Biloxi was her only option.

Jeremy (Chris) and Dave (Jeff) were putting the final touches on a oversized pair of tweezers on their first day at work. Jeremy worried that the new job might get monotonous, but Dave had other worries: it all reminded him of his troubled sister who was with the circus..."the circus IN HER MIND!" Jeremy listened patiently and encouraged Jeff to push through...to dedicate himself and his work to her memory.

Mrs. Rosewater hang-glided from the rig's deck to the tugboat far below.

Scott decided to visit Medieval Times instead.

Little Ricky overcame his fears and leapt into Lake Chiliwater.

And Jeff took his cool tweezers home...inspired to use them proudly.

The FLIPPERS Show

The show started solemnly. Chris at a funeral. The song "Saeglópur" by Sigur Rós playing in the background.

Then to the return desk where Jeff was returning a pair of two left-foot diving flippers. Typically, flippers were "uni-foot" Chris explained, but there had been a rash of two-left-foot flippers in recent weeks. And he had a closetful of flippers to prove it. Chris asked Jeff for a receipt (the one he'd brought was wet), when Jeff suddenly recognized him. A young, pre-Olympian swimmer. From a prestigious swim camp where he used to work.

On one of the very last days of swim camp, the head counselor Drippy (Jeff) allowed Chris to stand in front of all the entire camp to present his plan for unity. It was Chris' dream to see all of the campers (even the Chinese kids) in rainbow Speedos next season. As he modeled his own pair of colorful swim trunks, the other kids began mocking him. Which led to a heart-to-heart with Drippy who was, himself, having a pretty tough day. One of his best counselors had taken ill and was receiving a diagnosis at the doctor.

Dr. Bennett (Jeff) was concerned. These tests results were dire. Moreover, the swim camp counselor (Chris) had been unduly alarmed on the phone. "No need to panic you over the phone. It's uncalled for. We should break the news to you in person!" A cursory review of his x-rays revealed that Ricky (who had been previously diagnosed with AAAAAADDDDDDDDD) had a Brainy Smurf key fob lodged in his stomach. This was causing acid reflux (he was now officially, AAAAAADDDDDDDDDAR) and he needed some rest and relaxation to cure it (AAAAAADDDDDDDDDARR&R).

The "talk-back" following the Dixie Stampede dinner and rodeo show featured none other than 82 year-old Evelyn Rosewater who played Ulysses S. Grant in the show. Chris interviewed Mrs. Rosewater "Actor's Studio-style," though her answers were, at times, a little hard to follow. She and the actor who played Lee rarely talk, but occasionally take a drink together. She met Dolly Parton once...from a great, great distance. She was wonderful. Mrs. Rosewater (who was still removing pieces of her brown beard during the interview) never knew who would win the contest each night, but the horses always knew. The director told each of them just before the show.

Chris and Jeff's first day on the job at the pin-ball manufacturing plant had gone well. But Chris was restless. Pin-ball machines were all...Transformers 2, Star Trek, and Slumdog Millionaire. Where were the stories? He and Jeff had been weaned on "Lady Luck," a double-decker pin-ball machine in Jeff's uncle's convenience store. Now there was a game with plot! Maybe they could make their own over-sized pin-ball machines with gigantic flippers. Or...maybe Chris could bring in his concepts for "Cyclops," the penultimate Greek mythology-themed pin-ball game. Jeff agreed. Tomorrow they would meet with the boss. Maybe this job would work out after all.

The interview with Mrs. Rosewater ended with her tale on being tramped by a horse.

The doctor's visit concluded with the counselor agreeing to take a break, and Dr. Bennett promising more tests.

Drippy's advice to Chris: don't give up. Surely there will be a use for rainbow Speedos in the near future.

And Chris exchanged Jeff's two left flippers without a receipt. For old times sake.

The eulogy was tough, but Chris would deliver it bravely. His dad, Dr. Bennett, had wanted him too. He'd also wanted to be buried in rainbow Speedos and flippers.

And he was.

The PENCIL Show

Our first show at Spartanburg's The Showroom began with Chris quitting. Or...going no further. He simply couldn't go on. And he promised to explain.

Jeff came to return a bagful of bad mechanical pencil lead. Apparently, the lead refills had turned to dust in their containers. Chris (Terry) suggested that he might have shaken them too hard. Jeff insisted that he had not, and needed them to be replaced. And then...Terry recognized him. From camp. Years before...

11 year-old Terry began his camp talent show performance. Rather than sing, he would tell jokes. And dance. But the audience wasn't having it. And eventually, the camp director (Skippy) dismissed the assembly and came to comfort the would-be comedian. Skippy seemed to soothe Terry's nerves, but also revealed that he was worried about one of his best counselors (Kevin) who had taken ill and was receiving test results at the doctor.

Dr. Bennett would have to see Kevin in Dr. Carson's absence...and the test results did not look good. According to his x-rays, Kevin had a Putt-Putt pencil lodged in his ribcage. Suddenly, he began to really feel the acute discomfort in his side...which Dr, Bennett wisely attributed to the power of suggestion. Still, Dr. Bennett was adamant that Kevin take time off from camp...relax...unwind...at the Coastal Maritime Museum.

As the pirate ship tour wound down, the group was brought into the ship's hold for a startling reveal: their pirate guide (Chris) was actually a local actor from the community college. And...the swashbuckling adventures on deck were all staged! Mrs. Evelyn Rosewater (Jeff) was winded from all the climbing (up and down the mast to see the crow's nest, no less), but curious about swordplay. After accidentally cutting a small child, Chris showed Mrs. Rosewater some stage combat tricks of the trade.

Brick Coogan (Chris) was once the greatest voice-over artist of them all. And Paul (Jeff) was his biggest fan. Brick had inspired Paul to get into the business after all. But Brick was now a bitter and boozing lost soul. As Paul tried to cheer him up, Brick explained that one bad decision had made him a slave to the bosses. He once signed a contract in pencil lead rather than ink. And it had been his downfall.

And ultimately, that's why he couldn't go on. No more. He quit. His life had been one long collection of broken dreams: a child prodigy, he'd tried his hand and comedy and dance at music camp one summer and died on stage. Undeterred, he'd moved on to acting in college, but wound up working as a pirate in the summer. And now...here he was. Tired. Lost. And yet...ready to start over.

The POST-IT Show

Jeff said he could explain why he took the office supplies: "There's a reason I did it. I want you to understand."

Frustrated at the return desk, Chris was now perplexed by the return of pink and blue Post-It notes. "They're making my my hands...pink and blue," Jeff said. "Maybe they're magic," Chris suggested. But soon the two men recognized each other. It seems that Chris had attended an "amusement park and carnival summer camp" as a child. And Jeff was one of his counselors there. Chris had made quite an impression, apparently...

Young Chris was quickly shouted down as he introduced his new roller coaster design to his fellow campers. "The Monster" would be a roller coaster like none other. It would revive deceased riders...reanimate them...bring them back to life! Jeff (now head coaster tech, Click-Clack) dismissed the other campers and had a talk with Chris. He had great ideas, but...he needed to hone them, control them, develop thicker skin in the face of adversity. Click-Clack was facing his own adversity. One of his best counselors had taken ill, and was at the doctor's office learning the results of some recent tests...

Dr. Bennett would have to see the crusty coaster tech in Dr. Carson's absence. Bennett, known for his bedside manner, had grave concerns about the test results...which inconclusively suggested a worrisome prognosis. Perhaps a vacation was in order...a visit to the new capitalism museum/theme park, Corporate World.

The little old lady was thrilled with the tour provided by the little person tour guide. And now it was time for a very special part of the tour...for adults only. Corporate World was looking for incorporated businesses willing to leave all their assets to the museum upon their death. Mrs. Rosewater's unusual business was shared with a neighbor...but seemed like a good candidate for the program. But...would Mrs. Rosewater be a good candidate for employment at Corporate World...?

First day on the job for Jeff at a prestigious voice-over recording studio. His enthusiasm was to be tempered, however, by his hero's cynical attitude about the business, women, life in general. Downing vodka like water, Chris showed how the old voice-over scripts were grand...written on large sheets with compelling copy. Today's voice-over scripts were scribbled on Post-Its. Just ad lib...fill in the blanks...make it up. What was the point?

The little old lady got a shot to work at Corporate World...by trying to inspire the little person tour guide with big ideas.

Dr. Bennett convinced his patient to take a break from coaster camp.

Old Click-Clack showed young Chris how he could pursue his greatest dreams, while still keeping his feet grounded on terra firma.

The return clerk took back all of the pink and blue Post-Its...and convinced Jeff that there was indeed magic to be found in dye-dripping sticky notes.

And...Jeff explained that the point of any office supply item wasn't what it did or didn't do. It was in the hands of the end user.

Special thanks to Greenville Little Theatre's hilarious improv group, Laughing Stock and to our friends in Improv!Able Cause for making the Fourth of July show at Coffee Underground truly spectacular!